


Moments

by jennifercharter



Category: Veronica Mars (Movie 2014), Veronica Mars (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 19:12:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 17,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3540806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennifercharter/pseuds/jennifercharter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moments in the lives of all the Neptune favorites, both in the nine-year absence before the reunion, and other moments through time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not going to move all of this over tonight, but wanted to at least get it started.  
> I own nothing.  
> Moving all of my old work from fanfiction.net to AO3. Wish me luck!

Inspirational quote of the day:  
“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.” Gloria Naylor

 

Every time Veronica promised herself she wouldn’t think of him, something would pop up on a tabloid cover or some entertainment show, and she’d be right back in Neptune.  
It sucked.  
Mostly it sucked because he was the only one she continually ignored the existence of. She knew it was bitchy, and unkind. But she wasn’t sure how to not ignore him and still have a normal life.  
She so wanted a normal life.  
But she couldn’t let go of that last day, when he had beat up Gory. The look he’d given her right after, still smirking and wiping blood off of his fist.  
He still loved her.  
Some part of her was afraid he would always love her.  
And the rest of her knew that all they would ever do was hurt each other. They were too damaged, they knew each other too well.  
And during her internship she had met Wendy Darling, who hated her name, and was a Stanford student. Wendy had spent most of the internship talking up Stanford and convinced Veronica to reapply.  
It had frozen Veronica, made her just sit and stare at the mailbox after shipping off the envelope.  
Was she really going to do this?  
And her next thought had been “What would Logan say right now?”  
And that had made her decide, because damnit, she didn’t need Logan Freaking Psychotic Jackass Echolls approval on her life.  
She really wanted normal, and boring, and so when her internship was over, she accepted Stanford.  
It was twisted, she knew that, but still it broke her heart.  
Because it wasn't just the romance for them. She sometimes thought that might have been easier to get over.  
It was so much more than that.  
They had once played Never-have-I-Ever on a beach with their closest friends. She had supported him during the off and on again games that Lilly Kane was expert at and he had supported her with inspirational quotes and protected her from boys at parties whenever Duncan wasn’t around. They had discussed books and movies while Lilly had a running commentary going on some magazine article and Duncan was kicking butt at some game.  
Every great moment before Lilly died, he was in.  
They had been friends once. Good ones.  
Even when he had hated her, she hadn’t hated him. She had hated that he hated her. It had depressed her beyond reason. She had missed him. Every time they had snarked at each other she had been reminded of all those times  
And when that hatred had begun to shift back to friendship she had been so wary, and so happy.  
Piz couldn’t understand it. Back in the early days of them dating, she’d found in the internet history where he had Googled the Lilly Kane murder and then researched Logan too.  
He’d tried being understanding, but you couldn’t Google the feelings or the real history, the bonds forged after everything they’d all been through. None of the hundred things that had made them who they were was on Google.  
Lives ruined, Logan had said once. Piz had been another casualty, along with her father’s career and maybe Logan’s heart.  
Of all the things that she was guilty for, though, none of those even ranked.  
Logan had been her friend, once. And they were the only two left that really understood what that meant. It had been there, in the background, all along. It was part of what had made them so well-matched. History, the poets would call it. Such a simple word for such a complicated thing.  
Friendship. Rivals. Partners. Hatred. Forgiveness. Fathers. Mothers. Boyfriends. Girlfriends. Death. Life.  
Love.  
Sometimes there are words to express those things.  
But she never found any that measured up to the reality.


	2. Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place directly after The Wrath of Con

Inspirational message of the day:   
The people you love become ghosts inside of you and like this you keep them alive – Robert Montgomery

 

Lilly Kane was no fool.   
She was no goody-two shoes, and she wasn’t winning any awards for purity any time soon, but she was no fool.  
So when she saw Logan and Veronica trying to kill each other in the pool one summer afternoon, her first thought of now that, ladies and gentlemen, is the one that could last absolutely froze her.  
Except then she laughed, because of the utter impossibility of it.  
She’d known Veronica Mars long enough to know the girl had a heart of gold and an attitude she had to have inherited from Sheriff Mars. But the girl was all wrapped up in insecurity and pink frills and well, frankly, virginity.  
Not that she thought Ronnie needed sex, but some passion would be nice.   
Veronica Mars the hellion would be a sight to see.  
And people thought she wasn’t a romantic.  
The chair next to her creaked as Duncan settled.   
“Hey, no drowning! I have too much homework to help hide a body today!” Duncan called.  
The two in the pool didn’t seem to hear as Veronica shrieked at something Logan was doing.  
Lilly flipped her magazine with a smirk, watching Duncan watch Veronica. “You ever going to do anything about that itch, little brother?”  
“Shut up, Lilly.” But he was smiling at her.   
“You never know, you don’t make a move, someone else might first.”  
Duncan frowned. “Like who?”  
Lilly let her eyes slide to where Logan now was out-swimming the irate blonde.  
“Logan?” Duncan blinked. “Are you crazy?” He shook his head. “Lil, if you don’t know that he’s head over heels in love with you, you’re an idiot.”  
“Oh, I know he is. And he wouldn’t cheat.”  
“No, just you do that,” Duncan said coolly.  
“I don’t cheat.”  
“No, you just break up with him long enough to avoid cheating and then you drag him back in. Huge difference, Lil.”  
“’Love is friendship set on fire,’” Lilly said quickly, glaring at her brother.  
“What?”  
“It’s something Logan has underlined in one of his inspirational quote books.” She shrugged. “I was reading one of them one time. Did you know how many books he has that are utterly boring?”  
“I didn’t even know he knew how to read,” Duncan said as though in shock. “Alert the media!”  
“Shut up.” She grinned. “It’s just, he caught me reading it, and I pointed out the quote. And he told me his belief is that the best relationships come from long friendships. And he and I have never been friends.”  
“Because you decided to claim him the moment he moved to town,” Duncan muttered.  
Lilly ignored him. “But he and Veronica. They’re friends. Best friends. Sometimes, I think he understands her better than I do.”  
“Ah, that’s the issue. Someone better than Lilly Kane at something. What else are you feeling insecure about today? Want to accuse Veronica of having a crush on him this time around?”  
“No, that’s hilarious. She thinks he’s got issues and she knows better than to think he wouldn’t break her heart. But she’s got to have noticed he’s hot.” At Duncan’s worried look she smirked. “Don’t worry, Donut, she likes nice boys. And one thing Logan will never ever be is a nice boy.”

 

Logan sat in front of the Lilly Kane memorial fountain and sipped on the flask he’d carried around during the dance.  
“You’re still here,” a surprised voice said.  
Logan smirked, but didn’t turn. “You too.”  
There was shuffling and then Veronica sat down beside him. Out of reach, of course, but not on the other side of the room.  
“Your boyfriend is probably missing you, Ronnie.”  
Veronica smiled. “I needed some air. And while he’s no you, he is a bit handsy.” She winced. “Though I guess part of that is my fault.”  
“You’re wearing a red dress.”  
“Ladies and gentlemen, he knows his colors,” Veronica said wryly.   
Logan snorted. “So what did you do that made him want to be… handsy? Did you really say handsy?”  
Veronica smiled up at the fountain and then reached out a hand expectantly.  
It took him a moment, and then he handed over the flask, shocked.  
“Never have I ever gone skinny dipping.” And then she took a drink. “I made them stop the limo on the way here.” She grinned. “I made Troy stay in his seat.”  
Logan sputtered out a laugh after taking his own drink. “You’re kidding!”  
“I thought it was a better memorial to her than this thing.”  
Logan nodded. “She would have agreed.”  
“She loved you, Logan.”  
Logan smiled. “Yeah. She loved you, too.” He shifted, remembering his earlier thoughts. “I’m sorry. I’ve been an ass to you this past year. She would have kicked my ass for it, you know?”  
“Yep.” Veronica grinned at him when he looked over. “She would have.”  
He noticed she didn’t forgive him, but it didn’t surprise him, not really. The old Ronnie, she would have blushed and ducked her head and immediately given a speech on how he had always been and would always be her friend and then she would have forgiven him.  
This Ronnie, Veronica rather, well, he’d have to earn it.  
“I wasn’t good enough for her, you know?” He smiled. “I loved her, but it wasn’t enough. She was always too much to hold onto. She used to joke around and call me her bad boy, but I don’t think it was enough, at all.”  
Veronica sighed. “Why couldn’t she have liked a nice boy?” But there was just enough of the teasing in her voice for him not to get angry.  
“Hi, I can be a nice boy,” Logan said defensively.  
Veronica took a breath, about to joke, or advise, or hell, probably criticize.  
Troy’s voice echoed out into the quad and Veronica sighed, and stood quickly. She looked at Logan for a moment, then seemed to make a decision and came to stand over him.  
He blinked up at her, waiting on her to say something that would either make him want to kill her or make him want to cry. It’s always a fun toss-up between the two of them.  
Instead she leaned down and looked him in the eye. “You may have been her bad boy, Logan, but you will never be the nice boy.” He was too surprised to answer, despite the irritation that came from her words. Then she moved and kissed the top of his head. “What matters is that you become a good man. And that we always remember her. Because she’ll haunt us if we don’t.”  
Logan nodded and laughed slightly and watched her walk back to the dance.  
Lilly Kane was no fool, he thought to himself. She was the one that had picked Veronica, drug her along and made her one of them. And it had been the best choice she could have ever made.


	3. Indifference

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post-series

Inspirational quote of the day:   
“The opposite of love is not hate. It is indifference.” - Elie Wiesel

 

Sometimes, he hated her more than he thought he’d ever loved her.  
For almost a year he saw her everywhere. Her saw her in every blonde that walked by. Sometimes he thought he saw her in the clubs, only for it to be someone else entirely.   
She’d meant it, he had realized months ago right after she pulled her disappearing act instead of returning from her internship with the FBI like he had expected.   
He had thought that when she said it would take time, it would only take the amount of time she would be gone. He had been ready for that, prepared himself for that.   
After all, they were epic, right? He’d said it to her once in a drunken speech and she had teased him about it often.   
So when school started back up and she wasn’t there he was confused. And hurt. And fucking furious.  
Mostly though, he was mad at himself, because that’s what he was good at. Self-loathing. Guilt.  
She had wanted to go to Stanford before, had even been accepted. She’d stayed though, for him, for her father and their friends.  
She was loyal. That was one of the reasons he had always cared about her.  
He’d seen her first, after all. Not Lilly. Lilly had been background noise. Veronica had been in that damn soccer uniform and he had just stared at her. She was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. He didn’t care that she was the sheriff’s daughter and that said sheriff would destroy him for the thoughts he was having.  
He’d tried speaking to her, tried flirting, though he wasn’t very good at it.  
She had blushed bright red and fled, hiding behind Lilly Kane as a shield, looking at him from her best friend’s side with a sort of embarrassment and surprise on her face. Didn’t she know she was hot?  
And then he had met Lilly and that girl didn’t run from anything. And eventually he had let go of his momentary crush on Veronica Mars.   
But he’d never forgotten it. And he’d loved her as a friend, while she dated Duncan and joked with him and been his best friend while Lilly ran rampant over his heart.   
He had loved Lilly. Would always love Lilly, but he had never forgotten that shy and quiet Veronica Mars was hot in a soccer uniform.  
He had always known that no matter what he said, in any situation, he could expect her voice to follow his, either cutting him or supporting him. It had always been that way, through Lilly and after. Sometimes, when he and Lilly were off again, she was the one person he could go to, because Duncan had to support his sister. Ronnie though, Ronnie would shake her head, her beautiful blonde head and refuse to take a side, and then she would invite him out for ice cream or just to walk her dog.   
She was the one he could always count on.   
Until she had betrayed them all by choosing her deluded father.   
They had based their entire friendship/enmity/whatever the hell it was on their ability to read each other. And they read each other better than anyone else. They could play off each other’s wit better than anyone else.  
They knew each other’s tells and expressions. How to hurt and how to comfort with just a few words.  
And he knew she’d meant it, about it taking time. He just hadn’t realized how long she meant it for.  
Almost ten years of her being there, as a friend, as a nemesis, as a lover. From the time they fucking twelve, for Christ’s sakes.  
They were the only two left that had been through it all together. He needed her.  
He had mocked her once, asking how much easier it would be if what she felt towards him could be indifference. She hadn’t risen to the bait, and he had known he was right. Whatever she felt, it was never indifference.   
Indifference would be better.   
Because he missed her. He loved her.   
She had stayed for him, he had held her back.   
Now she was gone.  
He knew he didn’t deserve her, and she sure as hell didn’t deserve him.  
But he missed her.


	4. Always

Inspirational Message of the day:  
If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were. -Khalil Gibran

Wallace didn’t go out of his way to see Logan. But it happened. Neptune, for all intents and purposes was a small town. And the bars and hangouts for Hearst students made it even smaller. He had kept track of the boy at first, just in case V asked.   
She never had, though. She had started to, more than once. Wallace could always tell by the way she hesitated and silence echoed down the line. Then she sighed and went on about something else.  
Maybe she kept up with the tabloids.   
Then, one night, he had a date. Fine girl, too.  
They’d agreed to meet at a bar and grill not far off campus. Seniors, finally, meant legal to drink. In the corner, Logan had been throwing a party for his latest girlfriend. For a minute Wallace had had a bad feeling, and almost asked his date to pick somewhere else.  
Then Logan had seen him and waved, calling him over loudly.   
Wallace had hesitated, because after all, he wouldn’t call them friends, exactly. A mutual friend or two and a science project had not been the beginning of a beautiful relationship, especially after whole beating up of his roommate. His date, though, had been ecstatic at having the Logan Echolls talking to her, even a more than tipsy Logan.   
So Wallace had sighed and motioned his date to a table near enough to be considered part of the party, but far enough away to pretend they had some privacy.  
Then Logan had sat down at their table and given Wallace a fairly lucid look. “How is she?”  
Wallace had hesitated and asked carefully “Who?” Logan gave him a narrow eyed look and Wallace sighed. “She’s good, man. In New York now. Law school on the horizon.”  
And Logan had laughed and laughed until Wallace’s date was more embarrassed than awed and Wallace himself, unsurprised, could only sigh.  
“Bet she’s got a queue a mile long panting after her, huh?”  
Wallace blinked and then glared at him. “Man, I’ve never hit you, no matter how much I wanted to. Don’t make me start now.”  
Logan sobered suddenly. “I didn’t mean-“  
“I know what you meant. I remember high school, dude, and all the crap you used to say   
about her, and do to torment her. I thought you were past all that.” At Logan’s dejected look he took pity, and said softly. “I remember the other stuff too, man.”  
“I worry about her. All that other stuff? That’s what matters, it’s what always did. The foreplay? It doesn’t matter, and she knew that. We were friends, once. I wish she was still my friend.”  
Wallace snorted and then laughed out loud. His date, obviously embarrassed and annoyed, excused herself to the restroom. Wallace only calmed when he saw Logan’s glare. “Man, you guys will never be friends.” Another glare but he rushed on. “You may have been once, I don’t know, I wasn’t there. But you never will be again. When you guys were in the same room, even broken up, there was a connection, a fire. I would do anything to have a girl I was like that with. But I would never be her friend. So don’t lie to yourself, or to me. I know better.”  
Logan was silent, staring at him a moment. Then he glanced over at his girlfriend and smiled very slightly. “I’m never going to be over her, am I?”  
Wallace wanted to say she would never be over him, either, but he couldn’t say that. Honestly, he hoped she would be, and even that Logan would too.  
“You deserve better, man.” Wallace sighed. “You deserve to be happy.”   
Logan nodded. “Damn right. Ain’t gonna happen though.”  
“You have to try.”  
Logan smirked. “Your date is pissed.”  
Wallace snorted. “My date has run away, and we both know it.”  
“Is she happy?”  
Wallace frowned, and shook his head. “Go back to your girl, Logan.”  
“Can’t.” Logan took a long drink. “My girl’s in New York.”  
“She’s not your girl anymore,” Wallace said with a long-suffering sigh.  
“She’s always going to be my girl,” Logan said with a smile and then he stood and saluted Wallace with his bottle. “Sorry about ruining your night, man.”  
Wallace shook his head again. “It’s okay. I don’t think she would have lasted long anyway.”  
Logan smirked. “Want a beer?”  
And Wallace couldn’t help but grin back and nod. “Yeah, why not?”


	5. Celebrate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please drop to the bottom and hit the Kudos button. Or even better: Leave me a comment! Greatly appreciated!

Today’s Inspirational Message:  
They mourn, but smile at length; and, smiling, mourn… - Lord Byron

 

It is October Third. It is a date that means nothing to a majority of people. In Neptune, and to people that are from Neptune (especially a certain generation) it is a time when they whisper to each other, remembering where they were when they heard. It is an excuse to bring up old gossip.  
For a select few, it is a day to be distracted from.

 

Stosh Piznarski didn’t make it back to Neptune very often. But then he took a road trip, and called Wallace out of the blue and agreed to meet up with him for the weekend.  
So when the pounding on the door began he was sleeping on Wallace’s couch. He opened his eyes and the first thing he noticed was that the sun wasn’t even up yet.  
Wallace stumbled out of his room, cursing, and Piz followed him to the door, expecting drama.  
When the door swung open, he wasn’t sure who was more surprised, him or Veronica.  
“What are you doing here?” They both asked at the same time.   
A brunette popped up behind Veronica and shoved her way in, and Piz recognized her as Mac. “Hey, Piznarski,” she said breezily and hugged Wallace briefly. Then she was explaining an impromptu trip they’re all going to take, and they need to leave in the next few minutes or it is going to ruin her whole schedule. Her glances at Piz let him know he wasn’t accounted for.  
“He can come,” Veronica said, surprising everyone is the room. When they looked at her, she got her determined face on. “Go get dressed boys.”  
Wallace still hesitated, obviously torn. Then Mac gave him a look and told him the date.  
It wasn’t Veronica’s birthday, Piz would remember that, so he didn’t understand why Wallace gave in almost immediately. Wallace glanced at Piz and Veronica subtly and leaned towards Mac, his voice lowered. “Logan?”  
Whatever Mac said in response was lost as Veronica started a very awkward catch-up conversation.  
Mac appeared and shooed him and Wallace to Wallace’s room to change.   
“Dude, what is this about?” Piz asked quietly.  
“Lilly Kane,” Wallace responded as though that explained everything and Piz nodded as though he understood, when he was completely lost.   
They start at the boardwalk, and then venture to a nearby carnival. They do everything from bumper cars to the Ferris wheel.   
Veronica was laughing and happy and at each event, her friends surrounded her. Piz just stared at her, because he never saw her this way back then.  
At one point Veronica and Wallace bet each other about outshooting each other at some game and Mac and Piz stand back to watch.  
“You need to be careful,” Mac said suddenly, and Piz gave her a curious look. “You’ve been watching her.”  
“She’s still beautiful,” he blurted.  
“Yeah, she is,” Mac grinned. “And she has that light again. I haven’t seen that in years.”  
“You think she’d say no if I asked her out?”  
Mac sighed. “She lives in New York now, as far from here as possible.”  
Piz frowned. “Where is Logan?”  
“Today? Paris. He should be back tomorrow, but Veronica will be gone by then.”  
“He’s avoiding Veronica?”  
“He’s paying tribute to Lilly.” At his look she grinned. “Everybody is different.”  
“There are levels of different,” Piz said dryly as he watched Veronica and Wallace bicker. “Was she really so different?” He meant after she left Hearst, but Mac apparently interpreted it as a long term question.  
“Oh yeah. You wouldn’t have recognized the girl you knew in college. And the woman now isn’t the girl you knew in college either. I think she’s finally found a balance between pre-October third Veronica, and post-October third Veronica.” She hesitated a moment. “I always liked you, Piz, so I’m telling you now, you’re only going to get your heart broken.”  
“Why?”  
She smirked. “Have you ever read those legends, or watched a movie where the main couple is obviously destined to be together, but can’t be, because of some situation?”  
“Yeah,” he said carefully.  
“You knew Bond for a few months. You were nice together, sure. I’ve known her a long time though, Piznarski. Even before we were friends, I knew who she was, who they all were. I remember the Fab Four with the fights and the protectiveness. And I remember how Logan and Veronica hated each other after Lilly died.”  
“I’ve heard,” he said dismissively, because a part of him has never understood how anyone with their history could have had what they had.  
“Yeah, well, even when he was supposed to hate her, Logan was always watching her. I used to think he was plotting or something, but I think he just watched. And then they got together and broke up over the summer, and he still watched her. He loved her, even when she was with Duncan. I know their history, Piz.” She looked very sad for a moment. “Some people, we can never let go of, no matter how much they hurt us.”  
“They haven’t spoken in years.”  
Her sadness evaporated as she smirked. “They can’t avoid each other forever. The world isn’t that big.”  
Veronica and Wallace were bickering now as they exchanged money, Veronica radiant in victory.  
“And I like you, Piz. You’re good. I would never put my money on you, though.”  
“Because he watched her?”  
“I look at them, even now, when they're nowhere near each other, and I can’t imagine the world without the two of them ending up together. It’s all out of balance, but someday, they’ll be forced to face each other again, and oh, I hope I’m there.” She leaned forward as though imparting some great wisdom. “She always watched him too, even when they weren’t together.”  
They ended the night in a bar in Neptune, some dive called River Styx that Wallace and Mac both hesitated to enter, but Veronica strode on into defiantly.  
She held up a shot glass. “To ten years.” They clinked their glasses and Veronica subtly dropped her empty glass into her purse, but Piz didn’t ask.  
And as the girls dropped them back off at Wallace’s with both boys slightly buzzed and Piz feeling brave he blurted out what had been building up in his mind all night. “Maybe I can look you up, if I get to New York?”  
Veronica hesitated and for a moment he thought Mac was right, but then she smiled and nodded while Wallace beamed and Mac sighed.

 

It had been a long time since he had been here.  
His eyes roamed over the stone, her name etched in it. Someone had left a shot glass full of something but he wasn’t going to even try to figure out what it was.   
He wasn’t even sure why he was here.   
This girl had been part of another life, and honestly, he was perfectly happy with the life he had now.  
Some part of him though, would always remember Lilly Kane. Might even love her, always, in that secret almost-childish part.  
He had graduated from motorcycles, survived the gang, and avoided prison. His future wife loved him, and he loved her.  
But today, of all days, he couldn’t get that smirking blonde out of his mind. He had even found that old note she had written him in that damn secret message pen, pulling it out of the drawer where he hid it in the back.   
Maybe he had loved her. He hadn’t been alone in that. He had wondered before what kind of life he would have had if he had never loved Lilly Kane. He would never have known Veronica Mars, and probably ended up in prison, that was for sure, at the least.  
He bowed his head and prayed silently, clenching his fist around the lily he’d found for her, corny as it was. He’d never asked her what her favorite flower was. Probably something ridiculous, but a lily would have to do.  
He had that note memorized, and it was long past time to let it go. So he pulled out his lighter and lit the note on fire at the base of the headstone. And when it was ash, he set the flower on top of it.  
Then he said goodbye to Lilly Kane and went home.   
Weevil Navarro, gang leader, criminal, bad boy extraordinaire was no more, now there was just Eli. A good man.

 

Logan sat at the Parisian hole in the wall café and sipped wine slowly. His parents had once brought him here after one of his mother’s photo shoots.  
Once, he had planned to bring Lilly here, to this exact spot. He had imagined that she would have convinced Duncan and Veronica (and by extension then-sheriff Mars) to come along and all four of them would explore Paris together.  
Logan and Lilly would have followed Duncan and Veronica through the Louvre, embarrassing them often and then they’d go to the restaurant in the Eiffel Tower and look out over the city, each couple content.   
Later, he had imagined bringing Veronica here and they had joked about seeing Paris together, once. He had begun to think of Paris as a potential honeymoon spot.  
He shook those thoughts away. He was here for Lilly today. Just Lilly.  
Lilly who wanted to go to Paris and scandalize her parents by doing a striptease on the Moulin Rouge stage.  
Lilly who wanted to find all the nude beaches and convince Veronica to go streaking with her.  
Lilly who would have grabbed him and kissed him and told him she loved him in the most romantic city in the world.  
It wouldn’t have been a lie.   
He had always been the type to fall harder than the women he fell for.  
So he stood and wandered. He ate at the restaurant in the Eiffel Tower, he went to the Moulin Rouge show. He strolled along the Seine and enjoyed the Louvre, and smiled the whole way.  
And in the end, he flew home to Neptune, a shot glass in hand, sights of Paris decorating it. He’d known the second he saw it that it was perfect.  
So here he was at her grave, which he could admit he didn’t go to often enough.  
“Hey, Lilly,” he said softly as he approached. “I bet you thought I forgot about you, but I thought of you the whole time, honest.” His smile faltered as he saw another shot glass, plain, and filled, sitting on top of the gravestone. Bravely he dipped his finger in and brought it to his mouth, expecting tequila.  
To his surprise, champagne, flat now, met his taste buds.  
His heart ached for a moment, recognizing who must have left it.  
Then he sat his offering down, and brushed his fingers over the slightly wilted lily someone had laid there, atop a small bit of ashes. From a cigarette maybe.  
Then he stood and stuck his hands in his pockets. “Ten years, huh? Sometimes, it seems a lot longer.” His voice quietened. “Sometimes, it feels like yesterday.” He shrugged and smiled. “Don’t worry Lil, this isn’t mourning, this is celebration. You were a real bitch, but it was fun. That’s the part to focus on, not the blood and gore, but everything that came before that. Just like you would have wanted.”  
He stepped back and gave a mocking salute. “See you next year.”

 

In a house on a beach, Duncan Kane stood watch over his daughter. She slept soundly, unaware. His wife understood at least and has gone on to bed. This happened every year, and would always happen, even when she was grown, though he’ll check by phone at that point.  
At intervals he checked to be sure she is still breathing (of course she is), that she was warm (yes), and then he simply watched her, smiling, memories of his own Lilly bounding around in his head. And when dawn wasn’t far away, he gave up his vigil, kissed her softly on the forehead, and went to his own bed.

 

And tomorrow they will all celebrate life, and forget death, for a little while.


	6. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one for the night, will post the rest tomorrow.
> 
> As ever, faithfully yours, readers, so please let me know you're out there. Drop me a comment or a kudos. Thanks!

Inspirational Message of the Day: You never know what events are going to transpire to get you home. – Og Mandino

 

The moment she saw the news report she had known exactly what would happen.

Maybe she hadn’t expected the phone call, exactly, but she had known, somehow, that this was it. This was the moment she either let Neptune and Logan and Lilly and everything fade into the past, or this was the moment she went back.

Piz had been in the background, concerned, asking her what was going on and she had been too absorbed in the television to answer.

And when she had answered her phone and heard his voice…

Where had he even gotten her number?

She had tried to deny him, half-heartedly at best. There would have to be a discussion with Piz before the decision, she knew that. But truthfully, she had known all along that she was going.

There had been plenty of times she’d seen Piz uncomfortable or irritated with her choices, but she wasn’t sure she’d ever seen him scared.

And she wasn’t oblivious to the reason why.

He had asked her point-blank if she was going back because she still had feelings for him. And she had sighed.

She knew no reassurances would work, not really.

It wasn’t about that, she had tried to explain, unable to explain herself even to herself.

It was about Neptune and its black hole, about a man that had once held her while she cried over the (thank God, not true) death of her father, as she had once held him over the death of his mother.

It was about the law being completely inept, because seriously, how ridiculous was it that this kept happening?

It was about a boy named Cassidy ( _not Beaver_ ) and a bus full of kids screaming over a telephone line.

There had been a dog named Backup and a school named Neptune, home of the mighty Pirates.

It was taking photos of cheating husbands and discovering identities of secret admirers and hanging out at the beach with your friends.

It was solving murders and having survivor’s guilt and parties at Shelly Pomeroy’s.

It was cutting a boy down from a flagpole, and helping a girl find the family she never had.

It was about a boy breaking her headlights ( _foreplay_ ) and a gang leader coming to her rescue ( _a scene from Outsiders_ ).

It was standing on a stage at graduation and hearing an overwhelming amount of cheers instead of jeers, although there are a few of those. ( _You were expecting some other reaction?_ )

It was her father, having her back, at the destruction of his own career, taking jobs to put steaks on the table and loving her no matter what. ( _Who’s your Daddy?_ )

It was, even after all these years, about a girl that had died next to her pool, and the brother who held her body and rocked back and forth, desolate.

It was about the four of them walking on the beach, playing drinking games.

It was home, she wanted to explain, but how could one small word mean such a big thing in such a way that he would be able to understand?


	7. Miles to go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!
> 
> Seriously, THIS one is the last one for the night.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep. - Robert Frost

 

“What’s your idea of a perfect woman?” Someone called as a flash went off.  
Logan’s relationship with the paparazzi hadn’t changed much over the years since his mother’s death, but at least he hadn’t had to pay for anymore new cameras. He still considered them vultures and they considered him and his temper a gold mine.  
So he stayed out of the papers as much as possible.  
He had made a promise to himself to be a better man, and maybe he’d been thinking of a certain blonde too.  
Then he met Anne.  
She was an art dealer he’d met at a benefit and their conversation had turned into dinner.  
She was genuine and pretty and didn’t have a half-bad sense of humor. She was quiet and never minded when he made plans without her.   
Mostly, she was nothing like her.  
Once, she had jokingly asked why he had been attracted to her in the first place.  
He had thought of poker games and library make-out sessions and savior complexes and betrayal and a wit you could cut yourself on.   
And he had thought about all of the fights he would never get into over this girl sitting here, laughter in her eyes. Drama wasn’t even in Anne’s vocabulary.   
And love. He’d thought about surviving the kind of love that could and would destroy you.  
She wasn’t boring, and he loved her, but he would never be in love with her, not like he had before with the only two women he knew he could ever feel that way about.  
She had said his name softly, confused because he was taking too long to answer. So he had bluntly, but simply, said it was because she wasn’t a blonde.   
She had never asked again.  
They both valued their privacy, but she was better behaved than he was. When a camera would flash she never shied away, smiling politely and never answering a single question as she moved on past.  
And one day, when he was in a good mood, waiting outside Anne’s apartment for her to come   
down, one of the paparazzi had called out and asked “What’s your idea of a perfect woman?”  
He grinned and hadn’t even hesitated. “Someone loyal who knows me, everything I’ve been through and done, and still loves me anyway.”  
He thought of blonde hair.   
He thought of a girl sitting in a car and taking photos to keep her father and her floating. He thought of a boy smashing headlights in, and smashing a paparazzo’s camera. He thought of his friend holding him while he cried at his mother’s death.  
The door behind him opened and Anne emerged, giving the paparazzi a shy smile and coming to link her arm with his, her smile more genuine as she looked at him.  
He was grateful for having known Veronica. Forget all the crap she’d done for him like getting him out of trouble or the relationship part. She had made him a better person, he knew that. And because he had had her, he could do this. He could smile at this parasitic asshole instead of punching him out. He could pretend that his life wasn’t a shadow of what he wanted, and he could admit that his life now was more than he had ever expected.   
He wished he could tell her that. That he was thankful just because he’d known her. But he would keep his promise. Let her live her life.   
He would always love her. That was a given as much as the facts that he would always love Lilly Kane and he needed oxygen to survive.  
He thought of miles walked and miles to go.   
And lazy mornings in bed with a bobcat and boring stakeouts. And love that was more fit for legends and songs than reality.  
Then he just grinned and walked on.


	8. Settling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please drop a note or hit the kudos button so I know you're out there! :)

Today's Message of Inspiration:  
Once you say you're going to settle for second, that's what happens to you in life. – John F. Kennedy

 

Mac had answered her phone with a cheery greeting and excused herself from a meeting with her investors. “Kinda busy, V, can I call you back?”  
At Veronica’s babbling, she frowned. “Calm down.” Movement and a sigh of air told her she’d been followed out, and she turned to glare at Logan as he shut the meeting room door. He leaned against the wall opposite her and watched her carefully, looking supremely unconcerned, even amused at her attempts to wave him away.  
“Breathe,” she ordered softly and the babbling ceased. “I can be there as soon as I catch a flight. All right.” She turned away from Logan. “Meridian Plaza, yes, got it. Let me get out of this meeting and I’ll be on my way.”  
A moment later she heard the murmur of Logan on his own phone and rolled her eyes. “Order a couple of bottles of wine, relax. Wait on me to drink them, though.”  
A murmur of agreement and Mac hung up and turned to glare at her chief investor. “Boundaries?”  
“Is she all right? Meridia Plaza is a hotel there.”  
“You know where she is?” At his sheepish look she groaned. “Stalking is illegal, Logan!”  
“It’s not stalking. I just have people check up on her, every now and then.”  
“Then you know about the boyfriend.”  
“Yes,” he said shortly, and she almost grinned.  
“He asked her to marry him.” At his dumbfounded look she took pity. “And in true Veronica Mars fashion…”  
“She ran away?”  
“Yep,” she said popping the p.  
He let out a bark of laughter and then shook his head, smirking. “Some things don’t’ change.” He stood straighter. “My jet’s being prepped. Go finish wowing us with your awesomeness and go to her.”  
Mac smiled. “Logan…”  
“It’s not about her,” he said smoothly, if a bit quickly. “It’s flu season. All those germs trapped on a plane? You’ll thank me. “  
She wrinkled her nose. “Ew. Thanks, I think. I’m not fooled for a minute, but thanks.”  
He just grinned.

 

She couldn’t deny the private jet thing had its benefits. She found a driver waiting for her at the airport that took her straight to the Meridia.   
“Mac!” She heard Veronica as soon as she entered and barely had time to brace for impact before she was being tackled for a hug. “You nut! You shouldn’t have upgraded the room, although, it is a nice suite.” Mac was grateful for the hug as her face has probably gone from confused to furious and then on to simply amused.  
They made their way up to the suite, and Mac accepted the glass of wine. “Why aren’t we at your apartment?”  
“Marshall has a key,” Veronica groaned. “Worst idea ever. But it was so important to him!”  
Mac wondered how much of the wine Veronica had already drunk. “What’s the issue?”  
Veronica winced and sighed and poured more wine. Then she covered all the key points of their relationship. Good and bad.  
“Does he make you happy?” Mac asked carefully.  
“I’m not unhappy,” Veronica hedged.  
“But you’re not happy?”  
“I’m… stable.” Veronica sighed, again, very deeply. “That means a lot, Mac. No overwhelming emotion, no real drama. It’s… normal. I’ve always wanted normal.”  
“Veronica Mars, are you settling?” Mac’s eyes were wide. “You?”  
She shrugged. “Is that so bad?”  
“Miss I’ll break into the principal’s office on a whim? Carry a Taser to back up my mouth? Have no fear of situations others would run from screaming? It’s not bad, I just don’t believe it.”  
“I’m not that girl anymore,” Veronica said, almost angry and Mac sat back, surprised. “I’m not.  
“Hey, V. I’m sorry.” Mac smiled as her friend looked up. “You don’t have to be her. But to be honest, that girl was pretty freaking cool, and she helped a lot of people. We all have to grow up sometime.”  
Veronica nodded. “I just don’t want to hurt people anymore.”  
And Mac sighed, because while V had never really said what happened to make her flee, she’d always suspected it was something like that, something about wanting a normal life where there was no danger and no one threatened.  
“Do you love him?” At Veronica’s startled look Mac smiled. “I want to know.”  
“He’s good to me, Mac.”  
“Are you scared of him, of loving him, I mean?”  
“No.”  
“So you don’t love him?”  
“I want to.”  
“But you don’t.”  
“No,” Veronica said finally. “I don’t. “  
“Then you’re going to hurt him if you don’t end this now. Trust me, you force yourself into something, no matter how much you want it, your heart isn’t in it.”  
“I don’t know if I can ever love again, Mac. Not really.”  
Mac took a long drink of her wine and filled both her and Veronica’s glasses. “Sure you can, and you will. We’re built to love, and fall out of love, and fall in again.”  
“You think I should end it.”  
“Oh, I’m not going there,” Mac said with a laugh. “I’m just saying, you don’t love him now, and he’s proposing marriage. Where else does that put you?”  
Veronica nodded. “I love you, Mac.”  
Mac nodded back. “Damn right. I love you too.”

 

Mac got off the plane, phone already to her ear. “Returned the plane, didn’t even scratch it!”  
“How is she?”  
“I have to go grocery shopping, and unpack, and then I think I’m going to lie on the couch and watch   
Star Trek… or Firefly. I haven’t decided.”  
“Mac? Do I need to fly to New York and beat the shit out of him?”  
“Definitely not.” She sighed. “She’s fine. I’ll see you tomorrow. And Logan? Thanks.”  
He grunted more than responded and hung up.

She grabbed the value pack of soy milk and turned the corner to see Keith Mars standing and glaring at a shelf.  
She snuck up slowly, and grinned. “Did the peanut butter do it? Or was it the jelly? Those conniving bread love triangle fools.”  
Keith blinked at her and grinned. “I’m not sure that was as funny as you think.”  
“It usually isn’t.”  
“So, my daughter called to tell me about her newest broken heart, and might have mentioned your name.”  
“I swear, we’re just friends.”  
“That’s what they all say.” He hugged her. “How are you?”  
“Good. Staying busy.”  
“Good. And how was New York?”  
“Also good. How are you taking the news?”  
“Disappointed, to be honest, but don’t tell her I said that.”  
“You liked him, huh?”  
“Didn’t really know him, yet. But I liked the idea of him. A good man, taking care of my little girl.”  
Mac smirked. “You know, you should talk to my dad. He told me last week he wanted me to find a good man to take care of me.”  
“It’s a dad thing. So, you have the inside scoop. Do I need to go up and beat the heck out of the guy?”  
Mac blinked and laughed. “No, you don’t.”  
“What’s so funny?”  
“Sorry, I’m just hoping that when I tell Wallace about the breakup he’ll ask the same thing.”  
Keith smiled and looked politely puzzled. “Why?”  
“So that I can know all of Veronica’s overprotective males are still overprotective.”  
“Who else is overprotective?”  
Mac stopped, froze, and cursed herself for forgetting who she was talking to. “Nobody.”  
“Sweetie, you were born to never, ever play poker,” he scolded her, and watched her face a moment. “Logan?”  
Mac looked over at the shelf. “I think you should go with grape. It’s a staple, and well-loved.”  
“Cindy.”  
“Yes, it was Logan. He asks me about her, sometimes.” Mac frowned. “Mr. Mars, I know you don’t like Logan, but you do know he still loves her, right?” At Keith’s frown she went on. “You know, you talk about her finding a good man that would take care of her, but he’s always been both of those things.”  
“We’ll have to agree to disagree.”  
“He went to jail to beat up the men who tried to rape her. I’m the one that went with Dick to bail him out, because Dick was hungover. He beat up two different guys over a sex tape with her on it.” She gasped. “Oh, God, tell me you knew about that, because she will kill me.”  
“I know. She didn’t tell me, but I know.”  
“Oh, thank God.” She glanced around them. “I’m not trying to sing his praises, and I’m saying they should get back together, but he is a good guy, and he still cares about her.”  
“I just want her happy, Cindy. That’s all.”  
“So do I,” Mac said softly. “And I never want her to settle.”  
Keith smiled at her. “So, grape?”  
“Oh, definitely. The peanut butter will be so jealous.”


	9. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Directly connected to Chapter 7.  
> As always, let me know how you like it!

Inspirational Message of the Day:  
The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now. – Bill Cosby

 

Logan waved at Anne as she entered the apartment and set her purse and keys down. “Hey.” He went to her and kissed her gently, noticing her hesitation immediately. “You okay?”  
“Yeah,” she said softly, a small frown on her face.  
‘“Hey, it’s okay. Come into the kitchen. I’ll pour you some wine, finish supper. Relax.” He moved into the kitchen and did exactly as he said, watching her settle onto a barstool. “Long day?”  
“No,” she sighed and he turned back to adjust the fire, curious about her mood.  
“So, what’s up?”  
“Someone who knows you and everything you’ve done, and loves you anyway,” Anne said softly from behind him.  
Logan turned, spatula in hand, confused at her sad tone. Then he winced, remembering. “I didn’t think you ever saw it.”  
She smiled. “News of our engagement was greatly exaggerated, but it made me Google myself. Never a good idea, by the way.”  
Logan gave her a lopsided smile. “I don’t know, I’ve always thought that it’s refreshing to find out the big news about yourself before you even know it. Especially when it isn’t true.”  
She smiled gently, not distracted. “I’m not who you meant, am I? I love you,” she said softly. “I don’t know you though, not really.”  
“You mean, you’ve never googled me? Not once?”  
“Google tells you the easy crap and the dates of the major events. It doesn’t give me details, which, thank God, right? That isn’t knowing someone, Logan.”  
“Ask away.” He set the spatula back in the pan and turned to her, crossing his arms across his chest. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”  
“Have you ever lied to me?”  
“No,” he said strongly. “Not even lies by omission, which is still a lie.”  
“Did someone do that to you?”  
“Oh, I’m sure,” he smirked. “More importantly, I did it to someone else, several times.”  
“Who was she?”  
“Doesn’t matter. Old girlfriend.”  
“I Googled Lilly Kane.”  
“Of course you did,” he sighed and turned back to stab at the food.  
“She knew you, but she didn’t love you.”  
He spun around. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, then took a deep breath. “She loved me. Just not the way I loved her.”  
“But she’s not the one you were talking about to that reporter either, was she?”  
He shook his head, saying nothing. “I didn’t mean it as an insult.”  
“How’d you get your scars?”  
He sighed. “You know I don’t like to talk about that.”  
“Do you love me?”  
“Yes,” he said, startled, and he started forward, but stopped when she stepped back. “Yes, of course. Is that what this is about? Because I do, very much.”  
“But not the way you love her?”  
He froze, noticing the present tense of the word. “You’re here, not her. What else matters? I’m with you, now. Right now. That matters.”  
“Are you? There are times when you look at me, and you look almost disappointed. In the mornings, when you first wake up and see me. Not always, but enough. And don’t think I’ve ever forgotten that you were attracted to me because I’m not a blonde.”  
He ran his hand through his hair, food forgotten. “Anne, please don’t do this. I do love you. I know I’m not perfect, but damnit, I didn’t think we had a problem, let alone this.”  
She went on as though he hadn’t spoken. “If it was Lilly Kane, I could deal with that. It wouldn’t be easy, but a ghost is still just a ghost. But it’s not about her, is it?” He looked away, and she nodded. “I can’t help thinking, knowing, that someday you’ll find her again, and leave me. Do you have any idea what that feels like?”  
He froze, looking at her again, and it’s like a light has gone on in his brain. He knows exactly what that   
feels like. Duncan Kane returning, once upon a time, had been his greatest fear. “Yes, I know what that feels like. I’m so sorry. I am. I never once thought of it that way. I wouldn’t hurt you like that, though.”  
“You wouldn’t hurt me on purpose, I know that.” She sipped her wine for the first time since he’d poured it. “You would, though, wouldn’t you? Leave me for her?”  
“Anne.”  
“It’s a yes or a no, Logan.”  
“I don’t know,” he said finally, quietly and hated himself.  
She smiled at him. “And there is the lie you promised never to tell.”  
Logan shook his head at her.  
“It’s okay, you know. Loving someone like that, it’s a gift. And you’ve always been wonderful, even while pretending to love me.”  
“I wasn’t pretending,” he said, angry finally.   
She nodded, not meeting his eyes. “All right.”  
“I care about you, Anne,” he said softly, cajolingly.  
“I believe you,” she said, looking up at him. “But to be honest, I’m a little surprised.”  
“At what?”  
“I thought we’d both be more upset that we just broke up. I’m a little relieved though. Disappointed, but relieved.” She tilted her head at him, “What does that mean?”  
Logan tried not to show his emotions (disappointment, guilt, and my God why did they all leave him?) on his face, and only smiled a little bitterly. “It means you should stay for dinner, and that we can be adults, and that maybe, we weren’t meant to be.”  
She smiled. “All right.”  
And at the end of the night, she could fit her few things in a small bag (and maybe that meant something too because they had been together a while now, and breaking up with his last serious girlfriend had meant emptying out a closet and she hadn’t even lived with him in that hotel suite) and she kissed him gently on the cheek.  
And Logan sat down with the bottle of wine and thought of ghosts and dreams.


	10. Phone calls

Today’s inspirational Message:  
Easy is to occupy a place in a telephone book. Difficult is to occupy someone's heart; know that you're really loved. - Carlos Drummond de Andrade

 

She almost calls him so many times over the years.  
She’d been in New York less than a year when she was mugged. Every bit of training and advice, and experience, told her to give in and give them everything, so she did, until they asked for the necklace.  
“Never.” Because this was not Hearst College, and she was no longer a private eye, and once gone, it would be gone forever.  
“Girl, that necklace worth dying for?” One of them sneers and waves his gun at her.  
“Yes,” she said simply. “Please, you can have everything but that.”  
The other guy hesitated. “What’s so special about it?”  
“It’s all I have left of a friend. She died, a long time ago.”  
Sneer, as she was calling him in her head now, stepped forward threateningly, as if to tear it off her neck. To her surprise his partner stops him with a hand on his arm. “Naw, man, leave it. We got the cash.”  
“You kidding me?”  
“I look like I’m kidding? Times are tough, but they ain’t that tough yet.” He looked at Veronica. “You go home, and stay off the streets this late.” And they were gone.  
When she reported it to the police the responding officer gently asked if she wanted him to call someone.   
She naturally thought first of her father and dismissed the idea almost as quickly. He’d already been panicky about her being so far away.  
Then she thought of Logan. And yes. His name made it halfway out, a sound in her breath. Then she shook her head and breathed deeply. “No. I’m all alone here.”  
The officer took her home and along the way they talked about her father being an ex-sheriff and a current private investigator. She learned his name was Marshall, and they hit it off.  
He proposed a year later and she panicked and was halfway through dialing Logan before she sighed and called Mac instead.

 

Backup died.  
She knew it was going to happen. Her dad had kept her up to date on the four legged family member.  
It was no surprise, but she still wanted to cry, so she took a long shower and did.  
Her roommate didn’t understand. She’d never even had a goldfish. Allergies or something.  
Somehow, she’d thought Backup was immortal. He had stood guard while she and Lilly sunbathed and waited on the boys to be done surfing. He had been Logan’s shadow, somehow knowing how much the boy had wanted a dog instead of an alpaca, knowing he was good when Veronica had doubted. HE had protected her from Weevil’s gang and bodybuilding drug dealers.  
He had been her one companion when everyone else had turned their backs on her.  
She went through her contacts, eliminating those she knew were busy or simply unable of understanding.  
Mac was on a business trip, and she didn’t want to bother her.  
Wallace had a date.  
Somehow, the Chinese delivery guy didn’t seem to be an option.  
So her fingers danced along as she thought and finally, a line was ringing a million miles away.  
“You've reached me, and here's today's inspirational message: People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. Isaac Asimov.”  
Veronica snorted and then froze at the sound of the ominous beep. Then she disconnected quickly.  
She called again the next day just to hear his voice.  
“You've reached me, and here's today's inspirational message: I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it. Rodney Dangerfield.”  
And she smiled as she disconnected, and then laughed and laughed, because somehow, that was exactly what she needed.  
She called Mac. “Hey, hon, you still know how to log into someone’s phone remotely and delete call logs?” She nodded at the response. “I need a favor.”

 

Logan Echolls was getting married.  
The news caught her off-guard. Completely. In a can’t breathe, going to vomit and pass out kind of way.  
She’d spotted it on the cover of a tabloid.  
An art dealer of all things had convinced him to settle down.  
She hadn’t seen him in the news in a while, rumor was he was growing up. What that meant was she out of touch with his life.  
This, though, was front page news, well, a sidebar, but still. And the subheading?  
“Out of Dad’s Shadow.”  
That part upset her more than anything, because would he never escape his father?!  
Everything that had happened, everything they had all been through. He was nothing like his father! Never had been, even in his most violent moments, his most idiotic days.  
She tried to call him, but apparently he had a new number now. So she called Mac and made small talk before she finally gave in and asked for his new number. Mac gave it without hesitation and then asked for an explanation.  
“It isn’t true,” Mac said with a snort.   
“You guys are that close?”  
“No,” Mac said slowly, and almost sounded hurt, which made Veronica wince. “I see him around every now and then, but come on, Veronica. It’s a tabloid. He’s probably suing them as we speak.”  
“I just wanted to congratulate him,” Veronica said innocently.  
Mac snorted but said nothing so Veronica sighed and promised to give it a couple of days.   
She still programmed his number in and found an old picture to use as his ID.   
A week later more than one tabloid was reporting the Echolls breakup. There were more ridiculous subheadings, and she hated all of them.  
She never called.  
But she didn’t delete his number either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Backup :(


	11. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own Veronica Mars, I DO love getting reviews.
> 
> And now, the Dick viewpoint, because I kind of had to, or I would have regretted it. Plus, I can never decided if he gets enough credit or not for surviving his life.

Truth will always be truth, regardless of lack of understanding, disbelief or ignorance. - W. Clement Stone

Dick knew nothing would ever be the same the second he saw Logan making out with some girl just outside his surprise party.

Because when had Logan ever hid a girl from him?

Hell, they had shared _details_ , dude.

And when the lights came on, no one was as shocked as him.

Hell, he and Logan had made the last year as difficult as possible for Ronnie. Bitch deserved it.

He had followed Logan’s lead, of course. He had felt a little guilty about it, after all he’d known Ronnie since they were in elementary school. They weren’t friends though. She hadn’t even really made his radar until she started hanging out with Lilly Kane. And even then she’d only been in the distance. Hot, virginal, untouchable.

He’d hit on her once at a party after a couple of beers.

Duncan had been off finding them drinks, leaving her alone next to the bonfire.

To his surprise she had smirked at him and he had known even before she spoke that she was going off on him. But then someone had hit him not so gently upside his head. He had turned, whining and cursing to see Logan glaring at him, lipstick still smudged on his lips and eyes heavy with that satisfied look. Still, a frown creased his face as he glared at Dick.

“Dude, not Ronnie. Never, ever Ronnie,” Logan warned, quietly furious.

Lilly came up behind him, satisfied smirk on her lips too, and looked between them before she grinned at Ronnie. “Hey Hot Stuff, you got an admirer besides Donut?”

“Naw, man,” Dick said quickly, backing away. “Nothing like that.”

Logan gave him a nod and offered him another beer while Lilly gave him a narrow-eyed look, and Veronica smiled and kissed Logan on the cheek. “My hero,” she had said dramatically while Lilly and Dick both laughed.

 

Logan hated her though, Dick knew that. Sure he always made sure the pranks never went too far, but he still hated her. And it seemed like whatever they had done, Veronica never broke. She got stronger and angrier, but she never broke.

If Dick hadn’t been so pissed about it, he would have admired her for it.

And when he had tried to let Logan off at his party, tried giving him a way out Logan had gotten so pissed. Because it’s when he was calm that he was the most pissed, and the most dangerous.

And he remembered that night on the beach when Logan had warned him off.

 

So Dick let it go, just like that.

And when it ended, again and again, he waited on the call to make her life hell again.

Once, after the big breakup that summer, he had showed up, armed with liquor and a stripper to drag Logan out of his funk. Then he had begun to plot, small things first, eggs and toilet paper, and then when he got no reaction, he had moved up to tires on her car and fucking with her dad’s office.

The next thing he knew, he was on the ground, the stripper was scrambling out the door and Logan was over him, his chest heaving. “You don’t go near Ronnie. You don’t touch her, and neither does anyone else. You got it? She’s off-limits.”

“Yeah, man, okay.”

And then Logan stood back and ran his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry, man. I’m just a bit touchy.”

“Yeah, man, I noticed.”

Then they got drunk as hell together.

 

Throughout senior year he knew Logan hadn’t let her go.

Hell, he was starting to believe Logan would never let her go. And it pissed him off .

So he hit on her during Alterna-Prom, because hey, she was free, and he was free and she was pretty smoking in that dress.

She had told him he had a chance, however small it was.

But Logan had been there, glaring at him, and he’d backed off, again. Because she would drop him and pick him back up and drop him again, but he would never let her go.

That was the new Ronnie.

Once, he’d believed in her loyalty and her goody-two-shoes act.

Now, he knew better.

After Cassidy, he definitely knew better.

But yet again, after everything, he and Logan had found a middle ground, an ability to overlook everything else.

And then she had left Logan in a million pieces again, no matter how much Logan blamed himself.

Dick believed in a few absolutely true things in life:

1\. Beer and sex, nuf said.

2\. Neptune was a shithole, but it was home

3\. Family leaves.

4\. Logan stays

5\. Ronnie will break Logan again and again

He told Logan his list once during a drinking session a few years after school ended.

Logan had nodded along and laughed and Dick had been surprised he hadn’t gotten pissed.

Then Logan had simply suggested adding a sixth thing. “Ronnie will always help if you need it.”

Dick didn’t believe that, and told Logan to add it to his own list and leave his list alone.

Logan only laughed.

 

 

Still, when the shit hit the fan, as it always did, Logan had been deep in what Dick called ‘the girlfriend funk.’ Except this was the modified version that Dick had seen once before. This was ‘the dead girlfriend funk.’

Dick had wanted to suggest a trip to TJ, but knew that wasn’t an option.

So instead he had accepted the list of lawyers lining up around the block to take his case, and handed it to Logan.

Logan had stared at it dumbly and then said what Dick had once decided was the most alarming name in the history of names.

“Veronica.”

Dick blinked. “Uh, dude.”

“She’s a lawyer now, Dick.”

“And you think she should take your case?”

Logan smirked. “Hell, no. I don’t think she does criminal law.”

“What’s the difference?”

Logan gave him the first grin he’d seen in a while. “She can help though.”

Dick shook his head. “Dude, Ronnie hasn’t been back here in a long time, and she’s been avoiding you even longer. What on Earth makes you think she’s going to help you?”

“Because I’m going to ask.”

Dick shook his head, because there was no way.

“It’s the truth,” Logan insisted, and Dick said nothing.

Still, he remembered one of the last times he has seen her, certainly the last time he had spoken to her.

She had looked at him in that uppity way she had and said “After all these years, do you not instinctively fear me?”

And he had scoffed or something, but the truth was, he kind of did. But he didn’t think Logan was right.

He believed in Logan, but that was about it, and he knew sometimes Logan was way more hopeful than he should be.

So when he opened that door, he was shocked, hell he was surprised and shocked and a little bit in awe. So he recovered quickly with his quip about the agency and yelled to warn Logan that the bane of his existence was back.

Except once she was there, and once he realized she was going to see this through, he remembered rule six.

And so, as time went on, he restructured. Dick believed in a few true things in life:

1\. Beer and sex.

2\. Neptune was a shithole, but it was home

3\. Family leaves, but Logan stays.

4\. Ronnie will break Logan again and again, until she doesn’t.

5\. Veronica Mars will always come through in the end.


	12. Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I’m using an over-used gift idea for Logan, but oh well, it worked.

Today’s Inspirational Message: It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find that somebody remembers me.- Ellen Glasgow

 

Logan went surfing every morning to clear his head. His birthday was next week, and his girlfriend swore she had been planning the party of the decade for months.

Since they’d only been dating a few weeks, he just smiled and nodded.

Birthdays weren’t a big deal for him. Just another reason to get drunk.

His parents were gone, his sister might as well be, and only Dick gave a shit about him. And Dick always wanted a reason to get drunk.

As he came back onto the beach he spotted a figure next to his SUV and smirked. “Well, if it isn’t the spook. How ya been, CW?”

The man simply nodded. “I have an offer for you.”

“Sorry, still not into guys.” He thought the man smiled very slightly at that, but the expression was gone a moment later. “He wants to see you. This is a one-time offer, consider it a birthday gift.”

“Who’s he?” Weidman gave him a look probably meant to convey who he meant, or possibly that he was constipated. “Where is he?”

Another look. “No cell phones, Mr. Echolls, and we’ll give you a change of clothes.”

“Love the cloak and dagger,” Logan said sarcastically but called his girlfriend and Dick one right after another, telling him he was going to be out of touch for a little while. He gave no explanation.

Dick didn’t care, and neither did his girlfriend’s voicemail.

Then he held out his hands for a change of clothes and got in the SUV for a ride to the airport.

When he boarded the plane and settled in he asked how long of a flight to expect. When he only received a raised eyebrow he sighed. “Might as well take a nap, then.”

The sun had moved so far that he had no idea of what time it was, or how long they had been in the air. The plane landed, the door opened, and the setting sun blinded him. He squinted against the light, held his hand up as he stumbled down the stairs.

The he smirked, because a few feet away stood Duncan Kane.

Lilly was in school, Duncan had explained, a more than decent student for a kindergartner.

As first conversations went, this once was awkward and hesitant.

Duncan gave him the whirlwind tour and introduced him to his girlfriend, Lori.

Lori had a darker complexion, was brunette, and had a million dollar smile. He flirtingly told her that if Duncan didn’t marry her he would.

She laughed and offered to bring them dinner and then they were headed to Duncan’s abode. It was a nice place. A shack by 09er standards, but Logan thought it fit his friend pretty perfectly.   
Pictures were scattered throughout and Logan stopped at what looked to be a recent one of Duncan, Lori, and a little blonde girl. “She looks like her mother,” Logan said softly.

“Acts like her too, thank God,” Duncan joked.

He saw pictures of their shared childhood on the walls, photos of this near stranger with his new family. He stopped at a picture of his Lilly, touching it reverently.

Then he stopped again at a picture of Veronica, a beaming picture of her holding Lilly at only a few days old. There was no sadness or worry in her face, just joy as she looked at the child in her arms. She would make a beautiful mother, someday. “Do you miss her?”

Duncan didn’t pretend not to know who he meant. “Sometimes.”

At Logan’s suspicious look he grinned. “Do you miss Lilly?”

“Yes,” Logan said softly.

“Does that mean you love Veronica any less?”

“We aren’t together anymore.”

“So?” Duncan smiled and looked far away. “True love stories last forever.”

“What?”

“Nothing, something I read once. I used to think it was about me, but now, I don’t think so.”

Before Logan could question him he clapped him on the back once, and motioned inside. “I think I just heard Lil’s bus. Come on.”

Logan followed him, hanging back while Duncan greeted his daughter. He expected to feel sad or nostalgic when he met her. Instead when he saw Lilly Kane he felt a rush of protectiveness and he crouched and held out his hand for her to shake. “Hello.”

Lilly tilted her head (and that made him want to laugh and cry at the same time) and said bluntly “You’re my Uncle Logan.”

“Yes,” Logan agreed simply. “I am.”

And from that moment he knew he would protect her or die trying. He owed that to her namesake that he hadn’t protected. He owed that to her mother that had been not his friend exactly, but not his enemy, and had ended up just another victim.

Neptune collected victims.

“Never take her to Neptune,” he said as he stood.

Duncan smiled very slightly, and it wasn’t a nice smile. “Kinda the point.”

 

That night, Duncan and Logan stayed up, watching the stars and the water lapping on the beach.

Duncan handed him a beer. “We were brothers, once.”

“Damn right,” Logan said and they clinked their beers together.

“I’d like to go back to that.” He leaned forward. “So tell me everything.”

Logan blinked. “Everything? Should I start at birth?”

“If it matters,” Duncan said easily.

“How about I start with the bong in my locker junior year? You were there, but you really weren’t.”

Duncan nodded, agreeing or simply encouraging him to continue Logan wasn’t sure. They talked almost to dawn, and they went back to Aaron’s beatings, all the way to Aspen and Madison, and even to Veronica almost being raped on Hearst campus.

Two days of surfing and talking later Duncan told him the plane would be there for him the next day.

Logan simply nodded, lighter for having done this.

Maybe his blood brother didn’t want him around, but true family wasn’t always blood, anyway.

“We’ll have to do this again.”

“Sounds good to me,” Duncan grinned, and then handed him a present. “Happy Birthday, man.”

It was a photo album.

Logan took it cautiously, opened it and kept his face blank as he flipped the pages full of photos and articles.

There was his birth announcement, with pictures of him and his mother. Then pictures of his childhood after coming to Neptune, pictures of him and Lily, him and Veronica, all four of them together.

Towards the back were the two pictures he had admired so much when he arrived.

The one that made him break his mask though, that made him smile is the one that had to be rush developed. He didn’t even realize Lori had taken it.

He was sitting in the same chair he was in now, holding Lilly in his lap and reading to her. She was Princess Lilly and he was Uncle Logan and he loved his life. Best birthday ever.

 

 

Years later, after murder accusations and reunions are a fond memory, they will be here again on this beach.

Duncan will confess after all of those years that the scrapbook wasn’t his idea, that none of it was his idea.

Logan knows almost as soon as Duncan starts to speak who it really was that did all the footwork, gathering the photos and articles.

He knew a Nancy Drew once.

Very seriously, almost reverently, they will toast Veronica Mars.

They will spend the rest of the night laughing and crying at the past. And they will admit to how grateful they are that it is the past.

At the end of the night Logan will crawl into bed and hold his wife close, tears long dry. He will be grateful for his life, no matter all the crap he went through, that they all went through.

Mostly, though, he is grateful for Veronica Mars.

 


	13. Fatherhood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is the Duncan chapter, the final viewpoint that isn’t Logan or Veronica.

Inspirational Message of the Day:  
The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Theodore Hesburgh

Duncan sagged in the hospital chair and watched the monitors beep on.  
He had known, almost right away, when the nurses and doctors acted a certain way.  
He recognized the hints. Once, before his father had chosen politics as his career, he had thought about being a doctor.   
It had been a fleeting hope.   
He didn't know what to do. He wanted to go to Veronica and explain.  
He wanted to call his dad and ask him what the hell to do now.  
He wanted his sister there to make his life a living Hell over this, because she would have.  
He did not want to call his mother.  
He wanted Meg to wake up so they could figure this out.  
He missed her. He knew that made him a hypocrite and a real bastard, but he did. And it wasn't about the baby. He had cared about her truly, and not just because Veronica had been untouchable.  
Logan had teased him while they were still together that he had dated Meg because she reminded him of Veronica, the innocent naïve version. Then Logan had said he thought he got the better end of that deal, because the new Veronica was way more interesting. Then he had gotten pissed off in that quiet way he had.  
Logan had been more than a little drunk, and fresh off the break-up with Veronica at the time.   
Duncan had broken up with Meg two days later, like an asshole.  
He knew that, he did. He had screwed up big time.   
He had ruined the friendship between Meg and Veronica, and he had ruined the friendship between him and Logan.  
He wasn't sure which he regretted more.  
Not that he regretted dating Veronica again. He didn't, because he had always loved Veronica. He would always love Veronica.  
But lately, even before the crash, he had been thinking that maybe Logan had been right. Maybe he had wanted the old Veronica, and he was never going to get her back.  
God, he was screwed up.  
He had a chance here, though, to try to work it all out.  
Except he wanted to hit himself, or maybe piss Logan off enough for him to hit him some more. He was pretty sure that even though they had this truce and tentative friendship back, he could be convinced to beat him up. He’d just mention Veronica, or Kendall, or maybe he could just bring up Aaron. He could tell Logan that he had been right, that Veronica was the wrong choice. That would piss Logan off pretty well.  
Or he could suck it up and be an adult and not go looking for more problems.  
He didn't want to be his dad.  
He wanted a real family, with the woman he loved. Not married to a woman he cared for, and the woman he had always wanted on the side.  
He didn't know what he wanted. He didn't know which one was the one he wanted forever, and which one he wanted on the side.  
He thought they would both kill him if they ever knew he had even thought about it.   
He wanted to be a father to this child though. No matter what.  
He had a feeling though, that meant letting Veronica go.   
And that’s how he felt, sometimes, like he was clinging to her, because she was that last part of him he hadn’t lost when he lost Lilly.  
Except he had, hadn't he?   
This Veronica, no matter how much he loved her, wasn't the girl he’d first fallen in love with.  
And he didn't want Veronica to hate his child, the way his mother had hated Veronica before they had all known the truth.   
And she didn't want Meg to hate him, at all, or to feel as though he was trying to take this child and make Veronica its mother.  
Not it. He or she.  
God, he was screwed.  
And he knew Meg’s family was messed up about this too. Only his money in the right hands even kept him here, sitting at her side, because her family wanted him nowhere near her.  
He just wanted Meg to wake up.  
He would do anything if she would just wake up.   
And that’s how he knew he was doomed, because he loved Veronica, he did.  
He just loved Meg, too.


	14. Forgiveness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set ambiguously after I am God and before Look Who’s Stalking.  
> Please review!
> 
> I know this is a bit more AU than the rest, but I thought it fit.

Inspirational Message of the Day:

Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them. – Bruce Lee

 

Logan was watching her again, Veronica noticed almost right away. Her shift at the Hut was almost over, but he had appeared a few minutes ago, and was slumped over in a booth, seemingly waiting on her.

Finally she gave in and wandered over to him. “What’s up, homie?”

He smirked. “Not your best line.”

She wrinkled her nose and nodded. “Definitely not. What are you doing here, Logan? The 09ers have their own coffee shop with sophistication up on the hill, where they can look down at us, don’t they?”

He shrugged. “You sleeping yet?”

She sighed. “Better, yeah.” She scuffed her shoe slightly on the floor. “I’m sorry for what I said to you, about Hannah.”

“It’s okay. I consider it a learning experience. A sleepy Veronica is a bitchy Veronica, noted for future reference.” He grinned at her glare. “How much later are you working?”

“About twenty minutes. Why?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“That’s what we’re doing now. It’s this amazing thing. Our mouths open and words come out.”

He just grinned at her. “Go back to work, barista.”

“Logan, are you in trouble again?” She frowned, shocked. “You just got out of trouble.”

“Veronica, go work. I’ll talk to you after your shift.”

Almost half an hour later Veronica met him outside. 

“Want to take a walk?”

Veronica frowned but nodded and they set out slowly.

“I miss you, you know.”

Veronica looked over at him, startled. “What?”

“I miss you, Veronica.”

She stopped and looked up at him. “Logan. I don’t know what to say to that.”

“You don’t have to say anything, I’m just telling you. I should have told you a long time ago.”

“Logan, please stop. This is really awkward.”

“Why did you do it? Was it because of Duncan?”

“What? No!” She glared at him. “Do you really think that, because I told you it wasn’t about him.”

“Yeah, but we were barely broken up before you and him were together!”

“It wasn’t about him! It was about you! You were going around burning down swimming pools and terrorizing anyone who was connected to PCH’ers. They shot at us, Logan! They shot out your window, with us sitting in it. And you didn’t care about that.”

“I did care! Of course I cared!”

“You were self-destructing, and I couldn’t stop it! I tried. I tried holding onto you, and being there for you. I tried everything I could think of, short of sleeping with you, and I almost did that too, to try to keep you, but you wouldn’t stay.”

“I wouldn’t stay? You broke up with me!”

“Because the boy I cared about wasn’t the same boy that was running around trying to get himself killed! I wanted you, not him.”

He stepped back, the look on his face like she had slapped him. “That was me! And I needed you!”

Veronica deflated. “Then I guess I failed you. I’m sorry for that, but I couldn’t handle it. I’ll admit it. I wanted normal date stuff, not all the drama crap that came with you last summer.” Then she frowned, angry again, and stepped forward. “And did you ever think that maybe I needed you, too?”

He frowned, his jaw clenched. “You didn’t need me, you needed Duncan, because he’s quiet and calm, or whatever it is he was that did it for you.”

“You did it for me just fine you idiot.” She blushed. “That didn’t come out right.”

“I kind of thought it came out okay,” Logan said, smirking, but anger still in his eyes.

“When I was with you, I wasn’t wishing I was with Duncan. I wasn’t thinking that I wanted him. When I was with you, I was with you. You were what I wanted. I broke up with you because you were going to get yourself killed, and I couldn’t watch that. I couldn’t stop you, because my opinion didn’t count for much then. So I had to step back. I had to think and I realized maybe you didn’t care about me that much after all. You cared about revenge, and making people pay, and you were scared, I get that. So I thought maybe me not being around was the best idea, because you were hurting me, and I couldn’t take it.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you, not ever. And your opinion did count. It did, I was just being stupid. I did care, Veronica.”

“I know. I made a mistake when I broke up with you, I know that too.”

“Because of what happened with you and Duncan?”

“No, idiot, because I think if I’d hung onto you, eventually you would have figured it out. Plus, you wouldn’t have slept with Kendall.”

“That really bothered you, huh?”

Veronica made a gagging noise and they both grinned, and then she sobered. “We can’t change the past, though, Logan. We can apologize for it, but we can’t change it.”

He blinked at her. 

She smiled very slightly. “So I’m sorry, for all the animosity and crap.”

He was silent.

She frowned. “This is where you say something, Logan.”

“Would you go back to him, if he came back tomorrow?”

She stiffened and glared. “He isn’t coming back, Logan. Not that it matters. This conversation has not been some lead-up to us getting back together if that was your whole plan.”

“It was not my plan.”

“Then leave Duncan out of it.”

“Because you would, wouldn’t you?” He shook his head. “What do you see in him?”

“Oh, and we were doing so well,” she said sarcastically. “Go to Hell, Logan.” She stalked away from him. 

“You totally would!” Logan said to her back.

Veronica spun on her heel just as she got to her car and found him trailing after her, heading for his own vehicle. “You know what, Logan? I take it back. Last summer wasn’t my mistake, it was yours.”

“My mistake?!”

“Yes, because you had me, you moron. And now, you never will again.”

“Veronica,” he said suddenly. “Don’t make a promise you can’t keep.”

She glared at him, shocked at his nerve. “You wish!”

And he laughed. “Yeah, I kind of do.”

The 180 degree switch made her almost laugh with him. “Just… stop being an idiot all of the time.”

“I don’t think I can help it,” he joked and she sighed.

“Goodnight, Logan, thanks for the… whatever this was.”

“I think it was an argument. Not really sure.” He gave her a smirk. “Goodnight, Veronica.”

“I still don’t want you back,” she said seriously.

“Yeah, I know,” he said seriously.

“You should try apologizing.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said again, sounding far more amused this time.

And when that was all he said she huffed and got into her car and drove away.

Sometimes, she really hated that boy.


	15. Moving On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m glad you're reading and I hope you’re enjoying it. Please leave a note and let me know!

Today's Inspirational Message:  
Moving on, is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard. – Dave Mustane

 

Veronica had been together with Piz for almost four months when she saw him.  
She was hitting the nearest bodega, joking with the owner in her halting Spanish. It made her think of Neptune being here. Not because of the groceries, because grocery shopping wasn’t at all the same. Her father often joked that in a disaster, Veronica would starve.  
But somehow this made her think of home, joking in bad Spanish, the woman laughing along, and never criticizing. She reminded Veronica of Weevil’s grandmother in a way.  
And then, as she grabbed a loaf of bread, Neptune appeared less than a block away.  
The first hint was that old feeling on the back of neck, like she needed to look around and check who was around her. Then a teenager next to her gasped and turned to her friend. “I think that’s Bonnie Deville!”  
She looked up, startled, and followed their gaze.  
And then she forgot to breathe.  
Logan is right there, practically across the street, where he and his girlfriend are occupying a café table. His girlfriend was held close to his side and they are talking to each other quietly.  
She hadn’t looked him up in a while. She hadn’t even thought of him in a while, which was a sort of miracle. Once, she couldn’t stop cursing herself for all times she had thought of him, reminded by even the smallest and stupidest thing.  
The fan girls had left the grocery, heading across toward the couple.  
Veronica can’t stop staring.  
He looked good, better than good. Healthy, gorgeous.  
He looked happy. God, she had wanted him to be happy for so long.  
She waited for her heart to twist in her chest at the realization that he was happy.  
It didn’t happen.  
She breathed again, deeply. For a long moment she thought about going over to him and surprisingly, his girlfriend that the fan girls were bothering instead of him. She could go over, say hello. She had known both of them once, and while she’d never call his girl her friend, they had had a truce on occasion.   
She wanted him to know she had just had a major revelation.  
She was over him! She wanted him happy!   
Oh God, she had to tell Piz. Logan had always been such a touchy subject between the two of them.  
She was over him!  
Except then he looked up at the fan girls, and the hint that he might see her made her spin around, putting her back to him.  
The stall owner was watching her curiously.   
“Sorry,” she breathed as she handed over money for her groceries. “Just saw an old boyfriend, you know how it is.” And then she fled, heart pounding.  
Okay, so maybe she wasn’t entirely over him. And she definitely wasn’t telling Piz.

 

Logan decided he liked New York City. He’d been there once or twice with his parents, but his father had kept him on a tight leash back then.  
Now, he enjoyed the clubs and the shops, even the ones he’d been drug into rather than chosen.   
Having a rock star as a girlfriend definitely destroyed any idea of privacy though.  
That was fine, he thought as they picked a café to sit at. This was quiet. He liked quiet too.  
He had thought of Veronica though, no lie. He had maybe hoped to run into her, despite there being millions of people in this city. Somehow, he’d still hoped.  
He wasn’t even sure she was still here, though. He hadn’t spoken to Wallace or Mac in a long time, a thought that gave him a flash of guilt. Mac worked a lot at Kane Software, and well, Wallace and he had rarely seen eye to eye on anything, let alone Veronica.   
He had no idea what he would have said if he had run into her, girlfriend at his side.   
That sucked, too, because he was curious about what it would be like now, between them.   
Awkward, distant, a struggle to make small talk until one of them managed an excuse to escape?  
Or would they fall back into easy banter, teasing, almost flirting?  
Or would it be silent, longing, looks full of regret?  
He hoped it might be a combination of all three, because it would mean that while they’ve both moved on, they could still be friends at least, with that hint of maybe more in the future.  
He had grown over the years. He wasn’t that boy that would drop a girl if Veronica came back into his life. Probably.  
Once, yeah, he would have, but he wouldn’t now. Probably.  
There was a squeal and he sighed even as his girlfriend brightened at the prospect of attention. Then he smirked up at the adoring, awe-filled girls.  
There, just across the street, there was a blonde at one of the bodega stall things that were up all over the city. She gave money to the stall owner and an alarm went off in the back of his mind.  
He stood, startled, hopeful, and certain. He knew that hair, those mannerisms of nervousness as she started to walk away.  
By the time he made it across the street she was gone. The owner of the stall was giving him a suspicious look. He nodded at the woman and then looked back down the street and felt, to his surprise, much more disappointment than he had expected.  
He stuck his hands in his pockets and went back across the street and took his seat, his girlfriend too caught up in her fans to even notice.  
Oh well, what would they have even talked about anyway?


	16. Faith

Today’s inspirational message:  
Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe. – Voltaire.

 

She told him she wouldn’t be there if she didn’t think he was innocent.

He wanted to believe her, he really did. There are few things, actually none that he can think of, that he believes in the way he believes in Veronica Mars. 

Fact is, though, she once smiled in his face and then handed over evidence showing he’d killed a girl named Lilly Kane.

They are years and miles from being those people, but some part of him still thinks, however coldly, that Veronica is there to drive a nail in his coffin.

Maybe it’s because she shredded his heart, not once, not twice, but…. God, he’s actually lost count.

He hasn’t talked to her in years. Hasn’t even checked up on her in a long time. She wanted normal, and he wanted her happy. If not having him around was what she needed, then he would do that.

She had been through enough because of this town. More than anyone should have to go through in a lifetime, in a hundred lifetimes.

And yet, she showed up, didn’t she? And she came to him, and he couldn’t believe she was there, even as he was reeling from seeing that damn video.

It was more than surreal having her there, in the (what had Dick called it?) humble home he shared with the surfer whenever he was on leave. Watching a video of yet another dead girlfriend with the ex in the room. It was like having all the women he’d ever been in love with in one room. 

Because, honestly, when did Lilly Kane ever not haunt them?

Right after the breakup with Carrie though, Dick had gotten him drunk, not the best plan in retrospect. And they had talked about it, as much as they could with awkward silences and ghosts in the room. Dick had told him he would be okay, because well, he would. And then he had been quiet,   
and after a few more beers, Dick had brought up the forbidden name, Veronica.

Logan had shut that down immediately.

They had never talked about Cassidy, because it was never going to end well, that conversation. But Dick had made a comment about needing medicine for his depression and Logan had actually never questioned it, because Dick got this thousand yard stare sometimes, and well, they just never talked about Cassidy.  
That was Dick’s watchword, and Logan’s was Veronica.   
Because yeah, he broke up with his girlfriend, but even Dick, in all his occasional idiocy, knew Carrie had been no Veronica.  
Some things you don’t get over. Some people too.  
And if she isn’t real this time, if she hadn’t meant it, it might have broken him. But she’d meant it. She believed him, believed in him. He knew it because after almost a decade of not knowing her, he still knew her. He couldn’t believe that the girl he knew, pre- and post- Lilly Kane, would be able to walk away with everything the way it was.  
So he was here, had been far longer than he was willing to admit, waiting outside her house. He’d seen Keith walking around in the house. He’d be lying if he said that he hadn’t played the creepy stalker role on a few dark nights over the years, casually strolling by during peak holidays, wondering if he’d catch a glimpse of her. He never had.  
No forbidden love, Dick had warned yesterday. He’d ignored the jab, because he had a few things on his mind.  
It had bothered him though, later. He had been slouched against the kitchen counter after coming back from dropping off Veronica, glaring into the sink.  
“Dude?” Dick’s questioning voice had made him look up and wonder how many times Dick had called his name before he’d noticed.  
“Dude,” Logan returned, calm, despite the rage brimming under his skin, not at Dick, but at his life in general. “Please, for the love of God, stop antagonizing the people trying to keep me out of prison.”  
Dick had smirked very slightly. “Ronnie heading home?”  
“I mean the lawyers,” Logan said dryly.   
“So, yes, to the Ronnie going home?” At Logan’s glare he shook his head. “Color me shocked.”  
“Why, because you were expecting us to fall into bed with each other after nine years incommunicado?”  
“Dude, it could be twenty years, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that happened.”  
Logan rolled his eyes.  
“Tell me you haven’t thought about it,” Dick challenged. “She’s filled out, man, gotten curves. Still has her mouth though, but hey, there are ways to keep a girl quiet.” At the murderous look he got, he only grinned. “Yeah, exactly.” He grabbed a beer out of the fridge. “Just send me the wedding invite, man.”  
Logan shook his head. “She’s leaving, man. Gone. In the wind.”  
“Incommunicado, yeah, you said that,” Dick laughed. “It’s Veronica Mars and Logan Echolls, round 24. Ten years later, all grown up, plenty of sexual education in between.”  
“Seriously, it’s like you want me to hit you.”  
“She showed up, Logan. She believes you.”  
The sudden seriousness in Dick’s voice changed the whole tone of the room and Logan looked back down into the sink.  
“Nine years, I had to listen to you whine about her, clean you up and set you on your feet after each rebound, because they’ve all been rebounds. You didn’t take a single one of them seriously until Carrie. And now she’s dead, and Veronica came running when you called. It’s almost like high school all over again. Except it isn’t even close. But I bet you guys fell right back into your usual patterns right?”  
“I called it a rhythm, but yeah.”  
“Yeah. She’s going to figure this out, and you’ll be a free man again. You know how I know?” He leaned over and set his hand on Logan’s shoulder.   
“Because you’re Logan fucking-I-will-beat-the-shit-out-of-you-if-you-mistreat-Ronnie-because-she’s-the-one-that-always-sets-me-off Echolls.” Logan snorted without looking up and he grinned. “And she’s Veronica nothing-can-hold-me-down,-not-rape,-not-bullies,-not-a-million-miles,-not-even-a-broken-heart Mars. It’s who you are. Who you guys will always be. I’ll bet you fifty bucks. Cause I know the government pay is cheap.” He stepped back. “I need a brownie.” And he wandered out of the kitchen just like that, seriousness forgotten.  
Except now, in the light of day, and after a very short amount of sleep, he is outside the Mars house and reminded of waiting on this same girl, with Lilly next to him and Duncan at the door waiting on his girlfriend. One morning Duncan’s car wouldn’t start, and he had driven over to pick up Veronica instead, and she had teased him about not being a gentleman, because he had just waited in his car, honking until the blonde had run out and jumped in.  
What if she’s already gone? What if Keith comes out in a minute and tells him he’s a psycho and he’s getting a restraining order? What if, even despite them forgetting all the radio silence, she goes back to pretending the world is big enough to avoid him forever?   
He knew a girl once that hated him, just like he hated her. And later she loved him, even if she couldn’t admit it. And he loved her, still did, in those deep quiet moments in the middle of the night, when everyone else in the bunks around him was sleeping peacefully.   
He could fall for her again, like Dick predicted. It would be so easy, because had he ever stopped loving her?  
He’d had a girlfriend at one very early point, but it had been Veronica’s picture hanging for everyone to see. He still had the photo, tucked away in his effects.  
He’d tucked her away too, a taboo subject. He’d loved other women, but she was always there, for comparison in the back of his mind.  
If she was gone, though, he was letting it go, once and for all. Done, finito, all those other words.  
He’d have girlfriends, of course, maybe even more.  
He’d keep Veronica’s picture in his effects, and that was the only place he would let her be.  
But if she was here. If every instinct in him was right, well, maybe he could make some plans. Maybe he could remind her that when they worked, they really worked well, a perfect team, in every way.  
He saw Keith settle on the couch and got out of the car, going around to lean against the side. In a minute, he’d go up, knock, just as soon as he’d prepared himself for the rejection.  
Damnit, that was exactly the type of thinking Dick had meant last night. Fuck.   
And then the door opened.  
Except it didn’t just open, and it wasn’t just Veronica that stepped out. It wasn’t lawyer Veronica he’d spent last night with, trying to get to know.  
This girl, though, he knew her, recognized her enough for his heart to speed up and a grin to spread on his face before his brain even caught up.  
This was his Veronica. Purse, outfit, no lawyer in sight.  
She was beautiful. Of course, he would think she was beautiful when they were ninety and grossing people out with their pet names.  
He opened her door for her and she smirked at him as she climbed in. “Such a gentleman.”  
He shut the door, words in his breath that never made it past his lips.  
He grinned as she started ordering him where to drive. No pleases, no awkward silences, not even a slight hesitation.  
She was back.  
And for the first time since he found Carrie in the tub, he felt something like hope in his chest.  
Damn.  
He owed Dick fifty bucks.


	17. Beginning is the End is the Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I made up my own moment, because we're never going to see anything like this in canon, unfortunately.  
> Thank you guys so much for reading along with this. I really hope you enjoyed it, and I hope you’ll drop me a note letting me know how much you enjoyed it, or hated it and thought it didn’t work at all.
> 
> I’m glad I got to play in the universe. I may come back to it at some point.
> 
> And because I never figured out a way to fit it in, here is my own personal favorite quote, and I use it often: Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. - Dr. Seuss

Today’s Inspirational Message:

Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning. – Winston Churchill

 

The beginning is very similar to the end.

It was long before reunions, and before all the murder charges (and there have been so many over the years), before bridges and before long blonde hair fanned out next to a pool, stained with blood.

There was a soccer field.

Youth teams abounded, girls and boys practices almost overlapping, with the girls about to disperse and the boys lining up to start.

As the other girls drifted towards their parents and the bleacher, the stopper, a blonde with knee-high socks stopped to get a drink and smiled brightly at a young boy, probably her age, who was waiting his turn to drink. She poured him a cup and handed it to him.

“Thanks,” he said shyly.

“I’m Veronica,” she started to say, but before she even made a sound, the boy was called away by his coach.

“He’s such a dork, isn’t he?” A voice called and Veronica turned to see a blonde girl walking towards her from the bleachers.

Behind her Veronica saw her mother talking to a tall brown-haired man, smiling and laughing.

“It’s okay,” Veronica said easily. “Shy is better than the forward who offered me a hundred dollars to flash him.”

“Ew. Casablancas is such a freak.” The girl grinned. “Did you do it?”

“Gross. I waited until my mom was really close before I said yes, then I took his money and said I couldn’t because my mom was there.”

“I like you! We should totally be friends.” The blonde laughed and twirled her hair around her finger. “I’m Lilly Kane.”

Obviously, Veronica almost said. Everyone knows you and your family. Instead, she only grinned at her new friend. “I’m Veronica Mars.”

 

* * *

 

 

Veronica held Logan’s hand tightly as they walked down the beach.

For a moment she marveled at the simple contact. No matter what else had ever, or would ever happen between them, he believed in her, supported her, and held her hand.

She saw Duncan first, and waved to get his attention, excitement running through her. She let go of Logan to throw her arms around Duncan and held him tightly for a moment before releasing him and grabbing Lori in a hug as well. “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to meet you!”

They all laughed at her, with her, and maybe there were tears too, but no one commented on them.

And then Duncan turned, called, a smaller form walked towards them, skipping actually.

Veronica found her hand in Logan’s again, and she wasn’t sure who was clutching who as she turned to share a smile with him. There was love in his eyes and she wondered what he saw in hers.

Then she released him and crouched as the little girl came straight up to her. She looked like Meg, but there were hints there of Duncan, and there, in the eyes, was Lilly.

The little girl tilted her head at her and twirled her blonde hair around her finger. “Hello,” she said shyly.

Veronica wanted to cry, but she smiled. “Hello.”

The little girl glanced at her parents (Oh, Meg, Veronica thought sadly, how beautiful she is) and then turned back to her. “I’m Lilly Kane.”

Veronica laughed and nodded, aware of everything that had led to this moment, and aware of all the moments to come. “I’m Veronica Mars.”

The beginning was very similar to the end. Or maybe the end was just the beginning.


End file.
